My 1,105 Day Long Journey

For the past 1,105 days my body has not truly belonged to me. For the past 3 years (+ 10 days), my body has either been working overtime to grow a human, to nurture a human, or for a little while, both. For the past 36 months, I have not been able to experience the feeling of just "being" rather than feeling the effects of pregnancy or having some thought about pumping in the back of my mind. For 26,520 hours, I have been blessed to have a body that is powerful enough and strong enough to support more than just myself. While I fully celebrate this journey coming to an end, I also feel like I am experiencing a loss.

Let me explain that a little more. Since December of 2020, I have either been pregnant, breastfeeding via pumping, or both. As many mothers could tell you, the highs and lows of pregnancy and the 4th trimester are no joke. Add in the responsibility of having your baby rely on your body to keep it alive, and you experience a whirl-wind of emotions! While the feelings and hormone changes described above might not sound like the most pleasant of experiences to have to go through, they helped me evolve into the person I am today.

What I am left with now are beautiful little reminders of my journey from scattered objects around the house, looking into my children's eyes and speaking with other younger/newer parents through my lines of work.

Every time I reach for a freezer bag, I am reminded of the countless hours over the years I have spent organizing my breastmilk into "bricks" and counting the ounces I had in my freezer stash. Every time I pour a bag of frozen breastmilk into a bottle for my daughter, I glance at the date on the bag and am instantly taken back to the memories that are blurred, but the emotions that are vivid of my early post partum days. The days I spent functioning (somehow) on 4, to maybe, 6 hours of sleep per night, while still working and taking care of a toddler. The days I spent planning our activities around when I would need to pump again. The nights I would fall asleep while sitting up still connected to my pump. Dreading my next pump, but feeling the strong desire to continue producing as it provided me with a sense of pride, self-love and accomplishment that is so hard to describe to anyone else.

With the knowledge that this chapter of my life is now over, I am now challenging myself to enjoy the extra energy I have (making breastmilk takes a lot of you). And to enjoy the extra time I now with those around me and/or for self care. Lastly, I am challenging myself to celebrate all my body has done for myself and my children. A challenge to truly put myself first.

Another thing I have considered doing to mark the end of my journey is to put all of my expired/spoiled breastmilk to use by ordering keepsakes. If you have extra breastmilk consider doing the following:

• Getting jewelry made (earrings, rings, necklaces, etc.).

• Getting a tumbler or sippy cup made with breast milk.

• Getting soaps made out of your breastmilk (breastmilk is wonderful for skin issues kiddos can deal with including eczema, diaper rash, unknown rashes, and more).

• Doing a celebratory breastmilk bath photoshoot with your babe!

Make sure to give yourself something to remind you of how amazing your body is and how strong you are. These keepsakes will last past the days when your baby is no longer drinking milk, past the days when your toddler is done nursing, and past the days when your freezer stash is no longer.